Archive for July, 2006

Awesome.

Published by
iMorph
at July 26, 2006 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments

The Problem with Cats.

You have seen Jesus on a fish stick, a potato chip, and in an ultrasound but you have never seen Jesus like this! Jesus Dress Up!

Jesus sporting Cat in the Hat head gear has got Cats that Look Like Hitler beat. Yes, yes I am going to hell. Who wants to join me?

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God Has a Sick Sense of Humor.

Published by
iMorph
at July 24, 2006 in Personal and Reflect. 3 Comments

There is a Test for Everything: The Libido Test.

My results:

  • …not a total raging hormone.
  • You are easily persuaded by your libido to throw all caution to the wind.
  • You’re willing to take the occasional risk - like showing up late for a work meeting or waking up your sleeping grandparents - for the sake of a romp in the hay.
  • …you also have certain boundaries.
  • Perhaps sex doesn’t occupy your every waking thought (or you’re simply able to screen it), or you just have certain moral limits to how far you’ll go.
  • Essentially, you’ve got a high libido that you’ve managed to whip into control.
  • You try to think with your head and not your groin, but occasionally give into temptation. This is a healthy, balanced approach… just don’t forget to use your brain.

Luckily, I have moral limits and a modicum of control over my groin. Those limits got tested last night.

Sigh.

  • I like girls.
  • I like cute.
  • I like Chinese girls.
  • I like cute, Chinese girls.
  • I like sex. Based on the world population, a lot of you also enjoy bumping uglies. Don’t be shy.

Temptation, “Do you want to have sex with a cute Chinese girl? Only 10,000¥ for one hour.” Ugh, what a question. To have it asked three times in less than 15 minutes is taxing. Did my “tackle” want to say, “Yes, show us the way!” You betcha! Fortunately, my brain kicked in, took control over my mouth, and said, “Sorry, no. I don’t have 10,000¥ (100.00 USD).”

I relayed this story to a friend of mine, female, she paused and said, “not good to let them provide services.” My brain understood this, but my “unit” would probably beg to differ. Later she asked, “so you used 10000 yen for other shopping?” I am happy to say that I could answer, “I just went home.”

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Too Much Time on my Hands.

Published by
iMorph
at July 17, 2006 in General, Japan and Reflect. 1 Comment

How Far is Far?

I live in Tokyo, Japan. Tom lives in Raleigh, North Carolina. Can anyone tell me the distance between these two cities? Please don’t cheat and use google or something - even though that’s what I did.

This City Distance Calculator service is provided for FREE by Geobytes, inc to assist you in determining the distance between two cities. Click here to checkout our other FREE services.

As the crow flies, the distance between Tokyo, Japan, not Tokyo, Papua New Guinea, and Raleigh, North Carolina is 6921 miles or 11137 kilometers. Don’t think about walking it.

Huh? Tokyo, Papua New Guinea?

The population of Tokyo, Papua New Guinea does not rival that of Tokyo, Japan. It isn’t even worth mentioning, but since you are probably all curious and stuff, the population, more like the surrounding area, of Tokyo, Papua New Guinea is about 775 people. That falls about 125 people shy of the Class of ‘85. Sad. They need more people.

Watching and Waiting.

You are sitting outside a WiFi enabled McDonalds, in Tokyo, Japan, waiting for a friend to show up. While waiting, do you:

  1. grab some french fires and a shake and then wait quietly?
  2. bust out your MacBook (w/built-in iSight webcam), fire up iChat, initiate a one-way video chat with Tom all the way in Raleigh, North Carolina, and then point the camera at pedestrians?

One couple pointed at the shiny MacBook, an older gentleman bowed at the camera, and then one couple sat and had a brief chat with Tom and myself. I guess this makes me a geek loser. Ask me if I care.

The answer is, “Yes.” So, please don’t point, laugh, and call me names.

They Are Coming for You.

Published by
iMorph
at July 12, 2006 in Entertainment?. 0 Comments

Pranks One Should Never Pull on Family Members.

Explanation:

7/3/2006 - In order to frighten his sister this guy puts a very creepy child’s mannequin next to her bed in the dark and tapes her reaction. He was expecting her to be scared, but not that scared. She goes completely hysterical!

Socialism Ball.

Published by
iMorph
at July 12, 2006 in Reflect. 2 Comments

The Problems w/Soccer.

All quotes stolen from Celebrim on this post. Use cmd + f to locate celebrim. Hitting cmd + g will run the search again.

  • Humans are not very good at it.
  • There is no real measure of progress in the game of soccer.
  • Because the game is so low scoring, there is no sport for which the refereeing is so important as soccer.
  • Soccer is played on a huge pitch for 90 minutes of virtually unbroken play. Simply put, humans cannot sprint for 90 minutes even though the dictates of the game require that they do so. The result is that the game is extremely slow.
  • Soccer is the most corrupt sport on the planet.
  • Soccer is for some reason inordinately easy to get hurt playing.
  • Resolving a game through penalty kicks does have its certain charm, but its a horrible measure of which team is actually the superior side.

Me on Nation-States and Futbol.

This is how I get my wife and daughter to LOL at the dinner table:

The camera was panning over the crowd for the France - Italy match. There were French flags and Italian flags everywhere. So, I said, in my most sarcastic voice, “Only Americans wave their flag around and support their country. Only Americans are attached to their country. Europeans, on the other hand, are more sophisticated and are beyond nationalism.

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BMFs Club.

Published by
iMorph
at July 6, 2006 in Entertainment?. 0 Comments

Newest Member: The Easter Bunny!

I bet you never thought about what the Easter Bunny gets up to while he is waiting for Easter: The Easter Bunny Hates You.

Members.

  • Samuel L. Jackson as Jules Winnfield.
  • Kiefer Sutherland as Jack Bauer:

    Jack is Machiavellian,that is, he is a firm believer in the mantra, “the ends justify the means:” …His philosophy was perhaps best expressed after he shot and killed a witness in front of George Mason, then-CTU Special Agent in Charge. George expressed dismay at Jack’s extreme action, and Jack replied: “That’s the problem with people like you, George. You want results, but you never want to get your hands dirty.”

  • Bruce Lee: Bruce did one-hand push ups using only 2 fingers.
  • Charles Bronson
  • Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry. Or as himself, he’s pretty BMF anyway.
  • Marsellus Wallace, “Jules, relax. I’m on the motherf*”
  • Terence Stamp in The Limey: Tall, scary, throws people off balconies casually.

I’d like to thank the IRC chatters of #joiito for their BMF members suggestions. Thanks, guys.

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Derek’s Guide to Being Derek! Plus: H.A.’s Guide to Cocaine, Heroin, and Hash Bagging.

Published by
iMorph
at July 2, 2006 in Personal and Reflect. 1 Comment

Chapter 2 Excerpt: Switch Your Mind Off.

Looking to upset your friend and his wife? Want to succeed in a short amount of time? If you answered, “Yes,” to both those questions. just follow these two simple steps. In your favorite Instant Messenging client do the following:

  1. Develop Amnesia: Forget that your friend has been time-shifting the World Cup matches.
  2. Sidestep Confirmation: Do not ask if you friend has watched said match.
  3. The One-Sided Conversation: Initiate and continue talking before friend responds.

Here is an example:

  • ME: I am so distraught.
  • ME: France beat Brazil. Do you know how much that sucks ass?
  • HIM: I hadn’t watched that game yet. Cheers. Kumiyo is not happy with you now.

Success. If you really want to call it that. Paul and Kumiyo, if you want to poison me on my next visit, I’ll understand.

Chapter 2 Excerpt: Being Offensive and Insensitive.

There is nothing one cannot do if they don’t put their mind to it. In true Derek fashion, you too can be offensive. Instructions:

Please click here to purchase Derek's Guide to Being Derek!.

VM, I am sorry for being a total ass.

She’s Your Pusher…Woman?

Hollywood and American TV has taught us all really useful things like, “Cocaine is white and is Boy George’s - We used to call him Girl Jill - drug of choice. Heroin is brownish and comes in little baggies that one sews into a puppies belly. Hash is black and not many people seem to get busted for it.” Take a look at this and tell me what you think it is. Do not read the description first.