Archive for December, 2006

The Problem W/Tablet PCs: The Saga of a Top Heavy Woman.

Published by
iMorph
at December 26, 2006 in Computing. 2 Comments

Designed by and for Men. The Tablet PC.

This sounds good, “a microcomputer that accepts input directly onto an LCD screen by means of a stylus, savable as image or text.” But in practice, it is a nightmare for some.

  • ME@10:52 AM: What did you get!? What did you get!?
  • SPJs@11:30 AM: i got a tablet pc.
  • ME: nice!
  • ME@13:27 PM: Have you played with your tablet all day?
  • SPJs:not really
    i did the stylus tutorial
    and then i went to sleep
    and now i am looking at it
    over there
    on the ottoman next to this laptop
    it’s so lovely but i found an unexpected downside
    i am bosomy
    and well
    the tablet pc, the angle at which i have to hold it
    makes it difficult to achieve that “tablet pc” effect lol
  • ME: sorry, had to pick myself up off the floor.
  • SPJs: i was like holding it and well
    i think you’re supposed to rest it on your chest
    however
    that is more like “rest it on a tittay. only the left one, since you’re right handed, you over-breasted fooel”

Update

SPJ is a chick. The thing about “by and for men,” is implying that the designers knew that big busted women would resort to setting the TabletPC on their tits. Okay?

ANTAGONISTIC COEVOLUTION

Published by
iMorph
at December 26, 2006 in Reflect. 0 Comments

Love is a Battlefield: The Prize.

Power:
The capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events.

What events and behaviors are at stake?

  • Child’s political alignment.
  • Financial decisions.
  • Dominate household religion.
  • Furniture.
  • Bedtime.
  • etc.

You get the idea.

NOTE: If you are in a relationship where each partner has his/her own sphere of influence and you discuss matters of “State” with your spouse, consider yourself lucky.

Love is a Battlefield: The Weapons.

Some common weapons deployed in marriage are:

  • Tears: The Guilt Trip.
  • Horrid Questions: “Do you love me?” Or, “If I died, would you get remarried?” Oh, and, “Do these pants make me look fat?”
  • Hysterics: A form of terrorism.
  • Calling in the in-laws: The Calvary.
  • Perfidy: Turning the kids against your spouse.
  • “If you loved me, you wouldn’t…”: The Guilt Trip V.2
  • Silence.
  • Nitpicking: A direct attack on your pride/confidence.
  • etc…

This is why we will not see peace in our time.

The Girls and Boys of Shakey’s.

Published by
iMorph
at December 18, 2006 in Japan. 3 Comments

The People that you Meet Each Day.

Okay, maybe not everyday, but these are certainly people you have run across at one time or another. Today’s contestants are Skeletor - sans the muscles, a pair of clydesdale horses, Mr. Gender Free, and a MILF with a fat balding slob of a husband.

Skeletor!

She was thin, but her frail body kept me from acquiring the last slice of pepperoni pizza at the Shakey’s all-you-can-eat buffet. “Pick up the spatula, you useless package of skin and bones,” I wanted to shout. But this is not the thing one does in public. I waited. She gave up and asked for her boyfriend’s assistance. Grrrr. I had the kind you thought you go to hell for.

The Voice shouted, “Die, Skeletor! DIE! You know all you are going to do is leave half the food on your plate, excuse yourself from the table, go into the bathroom, shove your finger down your throat, and throw it all up. Do us all a favor and just drink a glass of water. mmmmkay?”

Stupid Skeletor.

Clydesdales.

Anyone here old enough to remember those old Budweiser commercials? You know, the ones with the clydesdales pulling a cart or sleigh of some sort? Well, that’s what these two girls reminded me of. They were big and clomped around in their boots.

Why is it so hard for some people to pick up their feet when they walk? If your boots are so heavy that you cannot pick them up, WEAR A PAIR OF SNEAKERS!

Useless cows.

Mr. Gender Free (MGF).

Why, oh, why didn’t I photograph this guy. I mean, girl. Ummm, human being. For those of you who are considering joining the gender bender crowd with MFG, here is what one should wear:

  • Bob hair.
  • A sweater skirt w/shoulder pads.
  • Tight-fitting jeans.
  • Gender Free shoes. Not sure what he had on his feet, but it certainly wasn’t standard manly footwear.

MILF

Gentlemen, if your wife is hot, then it is your job to match her hotness by dressing the part and treating her like the deity that she is. Not like the asshole I saw today. If you are a MILF and your husband is a slob, dump him. Find a man that will appreciate your MILF status. /me points to self and says to all the MILFS in the house, “ME! ME! ME!”

MILF vs. MILF

More YouTube Goodness.

Published by
iMorph
at December 7, 2006 in Entertainment? and Links. 0 Comments

Dr. Miracles.

Old Dirty Conservatory. NSFW, but funny as hell: