Archive for the 'Japan' Category

A Sad Conversation.

Published by
iMorph
at January 1, 2008 in Japan and Reflect. 2 Comments

Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)

What is the American dream? Dictionary.app says it is:

The American dream is the traditional social ideals of the U.S., such as equality, democracy, and material prosperity.

Yeah? So, the next question is, what is the Japanese dream?

The Public Has Spoken. Sort of.

  • ME: What is the Japanese dream?
  • HER (Nao): Japanese dream? There isn’t one!
  • ME: There isn’t?
  • HER: We don’t have a dream….
  • ME: Come on, there has to be something.
  • HER: Well….ummmm. Oh! Stability! We want stability! We don’t like change.
  • NARRATOR: Nao confers with her brother and his wife.
  • HER: Yeah, stability. For most men they want to work for the same company until retirement which is what wives expect from their husbands.
  • ME: That’s it? Don’t you want anything? [The ugly American displaying his inability to grok that the Japanese are not slaves to consumerism like oil-hungry SUV-driving Americans.] /me suppresses a bout of laughter.
  • HER: A HOUSE! We want to own our own homes!
  • NARRATOR: Brother and sister-in-law nod vigorously in agreement.
  • ME: That’s it?
  • HER: Yeah. We are totally afraid of change and don’t take chances. Not like Americans. You guys always have dreams and try to do things. [Dejected.] We don’t have dreams. Nothing, yo.

NOTE: Wife said the exact same thing, but I didn’t believe her. Sorry, honey.

The Toy of Toys

Published by
iMorph
at September 27, 2007 in Entertainment? and Japan. 0 Comments

Forever :: Mugen むげん 無限. Bubble Wrap:: Puchi Puchi プチプチ Infinite Bubble Wrap :: 無限プチプチ

You know you want one! Watch the movie!

Photography and Me.

Published by
iMorph
at August 8, 2007 in Japan, Photography and Take A Pretty Picture.. 3 Comments

The Power of Lens: Size Does Matter…to the Public.

You cannot impress the general populace with this little lens. It matters not one iota that the lens is great in low-light situations. No, what matters to the public is the size of your lens. Well, thanks to a certain someone - you know who you are, sir - I now possess an impressive lens: 3.3″ x 7.6″ or 84.6mm x 193.6mm.

The Power of Lens: Free Pass at Local Festival.

Me, in jeans and a T-shirt armed with my breathtaking lens. Him, ticket collector at mini-train ride. Our exchange:

  • HIM: OH! OH! You can ride for free!
  • ME: ….
  • HIM: *Shuffling kids out of the way* Can’t you see that this man is a professional? Look at his camera - He obviously meant my magnificent lens.
  • ME: Thank you, but I am here to just take a few pictures. *Debating walking away to diffuse entire embarrassing scene*
  • HIM* To Little Kids: He must be from a major newspaper. He is here to photograph our festival and show it to the world.
  • ME: Ummm, is it okay if I stand here a take a few shots? God, this is really embarrassing.
  • HIM: Of course, of course! Hey, you kids! Move out of his way!
  • ME: *Snap. Snap. Snap.* Okay, thank you. Okay, I am out of here.

Poor bewildered kids.

Things.

Published by
iMorph
at June 19, 2007 in Entertainment?, Japan and Old Skool Bloggin'. 1 Comment

Via Flickr.

A story about a caterpillar and a plant: agehacho vs. sansho. Hungry caterpillar 1 - 0 Good deed.

The main point of the story is, that my husband saw the smaller caterpillar far from the sansho tree and as an animal loving human he put the guy in our tree, knowing that this is the right food…

I guess, he underestimated the caterpillar’s stomach…

Then there is the アイスキューカンバー(aisu kyūkambā) = “ice cucumber” Pepsi boom in .JP: Photos Tagged with Ice Cucumber. My shot is here.

Getting Your Movie on in Japan.

Warner Mycal’s success story:

Warner Mycal opened Japan’s first multiplex in the Tokyo suburb of Ebina in 1993. Despite the partnership’s steady expansion over the years (by 1998 it had established 20 theaters nationwide), becoming the premier multiplex provider in Japan was a process burdened with not a few complications.

Their concession stands are pretty good. Warner Mycal is also a part of DCI. More on the actual technology of Cinema DLP here.

I am proud to say that I did not use a single wikipedia link.

Exceeding Your Standard Net Weirdness.

Published by
iMorph
at May 31, 2007 in Computing, Japan and Reflect. 1 Comment

Visual Weirdness: YouTube.

Dialog:

“That girl is gorgeous,” he said. Mike, looking up from his laptop, said, “God, you’re right. Look at how tiny her waist is. She obviously steers away from fried chicken, biscuits, and beer. I wonder what machine she uses to stay so fit. Think she would show me her abs?”

Or Gorgeous Tiny Chicken Machine Show (Episode 1): Hang on to your shoes and hat!

New Math? Old Math? Not Math?

Did you know that 14 * 5 = 25? Neither did I. Demonstration here.

Text/Procedural Madness.

Normally, if one wants to cancel a service on the internet, you hit this: To remove your email address from DailyLit click here. Right? Well, apparently, no one told NTT that internet services should not require its users of to:

  • Download PDF.
  • Print out PDF.
  • Secure a pen.
  • Fill in blanks.
  • Find an envelope.
  • Address envelope.
  • Lick the glue. I actually miss the taste of the glue. Someone needs to make glue flavored gum or candy. I’d buy it.
  • Find stamp.
  • Affix stamp. more licking. yum.
  • Leave the HOUSE!
  • Find mail box.
  • Mail.

WTF! They offer an online signup.

Japanese Things My Wife Didn’t do…

Published by
iMorph
at April 4, 2007 in Hikaru Rocks., Japan, Personal and Reflect. 2 Comments

in 2006:

  • ME: Did you wear a kimono?
  • HER: No. The last time I wore my kimono was 21 years ago.
  • ME: Okay.
  • HER: Maybe Erika will wear it on Coming of Age day (成人式).
  • ME: Okay, the answer to this has got to be yes, did you go to kabuki?
  • HER: No. But I did go to Kabuki for kids two years ago. I have never been to real Kabuki.
  • ME: How was it?
  • HER: They explained how everything worked in Kabuki. Since it is not in modern day Japanese, you need to know the story before hand. Nicole, Erika, and myself fell asleep once it started.
  • ME: Sounds like opera.
  • HER: Exactly.
  • ME: Did you walk three step behind your husband?
  • HER: NO.
  • ME:　三つ指? (Bowing while pressing three fingers of each hand on floor as a greeting to your husband)?
  • HER: NEVER in my life.
  • ME: Tea Ceremony?
  • HER: No.
  • ME: You are not doing very well. Are you really Japanese?
  • HER: I think so. I thought so…….
  • ME: Eat fish everyday?
  • HER: I like Sushi, Mochi, Natto, Japanese tea……食べ物ばっかり。(Food. Food. Food.) I own a Kimono even though I worn it only once. My sister borrowed it from me. ねっ、りっぱな日本人でしょ。(See, I am a great and wonderful Japanese person, right?)
  • ME: LOL!
  • HER: Do I look French?!
  • ME: No, you look very Japanese to me.
  • HER: I gotta go to the bathroom.

HELP! I am Being Robbed!

Published by
iMorph
at February 12, 2007 in Japan and Links. 5 Comments

A Public Service Announcement/English Lesson.

Just click on the link. All will be revealed: Link.

American?

Published by
iMorph
at January 28, 2007 in Japan, Personal and Reflect. 4 Comments

The Criteria: The Questions.

Group one: Don’t you…

  • have a gun in your house? No.
  • like Coke? Coke? Phuck Coke! Dr. Pepper all the way!
  • play baseball? Ugh, baseball is boring.
  • play basketball? …

Group two: You always…., don’t you?

  • have a hamburger for lunch Yeah. At least three or four. Just the other day…
  • wear a T-shirt outside even during winter Do I look white to you?
  • drink Budwieser Again, do I look white to you?
  • go to church on Sundays Taoist don’t attend church.
  • walk in the house with your shoes on Not only do I walk around in my shoes I spit, piss, and crap on the floor.

Group three: Why do all Americans….?

  • talk so much at the dinner table Why does a bear shit in the woods?
  • cheat on their spouses Sigh.
  • drive big cars Like the Camary, Accord, S2000, etc?

Obviously, I am not American.

The Girls and Boys of Shakey’s.

Published by
iMorph
at December 18, 2006 in Japan. 3 Comments

The People that you Meet Each Day.

Okay, maybe not everyday, but these are certainly people you have run across at one time or another. Today’s contestants are Skeletor - sans the muscles, a pair of clydesdale horses, Mr. Gender Free, and a MILF with a fat balding slob of a husband.

Skeletor!

She was thin, but her frail body kept me from acquiring the last slice of pepperoni pizza at the Shakey’s all-you-can-eat buffet. “Pick up the spatula, you useless package of skin and bones,” I wanted to shout. But this is not the thing one does in public. I waited. She gave up and asked for her boyfriend’s assistance. Grrrr. I had the kind you thought you go to hell for.

The Voice shouted, “Die, Skeletor! DIE! You know all you are going to do is leave half the food on your plate, excuse yourself from the table, go into the bathroom, shove your finger down your throat, and throw it all up. Do us all a favor and just drink a glass of water. mmmmkay?”

Stupid Skeletor.

Clydesdales.

Anyone here old enough to remember those old Budweiser commercials? You know, the ones with the clydesdales pulling a cart or sleigh of some sort? Well, that’s what these two girls reminded me of. They were big and clomped around in their boots.

Why is it so hard for some people to pick up their feet when they walk? If your boots are so heavy that you cannot pick them up, WEAR A PAIR OF SNEAKERS!

Useless cows.

Mr. Gender Free (MGF).

Why, oh, why didn’t I photograph this guy. I mean, girl. Ummm, human being. For those of you who are considering joining the gender bender crowd with MFG, here is what one should wear:

  • Bob hair.
  • A sweater skirt w/shoulder pads.
  • Tight-fitting jeans.
  • Gender Free shoes. Not sure what he had on his feet, but it certainly wasn’t standard manly footwear.

MILF

Gentlemen, if your wife is hot, then it is your job to match her hotness by dressing the part and treating her like the deity that she is. Not like the asshole I saw today. If you are a MILF and your husband is a slob, dump him. Find a man that will appreciate your MILF status. /me points to self and says to all the MILFS in the house, “ME! ME! ME!”

MILF vs. MILF

Manners, Science, and Personal Hygiene.

Published by
iMorph
at October 23, 2006 in Japan. 3 Comments

Mind Your Manners?

You would think the following questions would be rhetorical, but unfortunately, they are not.

  1. You are sitting on a stool enjoying Kaiten Zushi (回転寿司). Do you:

    1. pick up the plates, examine the contents, and then return the plate to the conveyor belt?

    2. visually examine the content as it passes by and pick up only the plate of sushi you intend on eating?

    Please. For the love of all that is holy. Choose b.

  2. When out at a restaurant, have you ever:

    1. used a toothpick to remove that one piece of offensive food lodge between your teeth?

    2. wiped your hands on a napkin to remove oil and other debris?

    3. pulled out a Q-tip and started digging earwax out of your ear?

    ….

  3. Back to Kaiten Zushi. As a plate of roasted chestnuts passes by do you:

    1. remove the plate and then divvy up the chestnuts?

    *Sigh* or

    1. grab a handful of chestnuts for yourself and then an extra large handful for your two friends; thus, leaving a few chestnuts for the other customers to stare at in disbelief?

    Kaiten Zushi rules are simple. Here they are: If you touch a plate, it is yours.

  4. Final hygiene question. Is it okay to pluck your eyebrows in a restaurant and then put the unwanted hairs in one of the cups at your table?

    1. Yes.This is the wrong answer.

    2. NO.

    3. Maybe?

  5. (P)ossible? (I)mpossible?

    • ___ Can you pick up a DS or PSP with two standard flexi-straws?

    • ___ Can you carry an injured man using a pair of chopsticks? The assumption here is that the man has not been blown or chopped to bits.

    No, right? Think again.

    Guy-pouring-money-into-one-of-those-crane-games, or UFO Catcher, in my local video store, “Hey, I know I can pick up this case of ramen!”

    I am sorry, good sir, but there are only two paddle/hook thingies that are designed to pick up stuffed animals at your disposal. You will not succeed.

NOTE* I am aware that I am far from perfect. Points out the time he destroyed the handiwork of one a waiter. This waiter had spent a fair amount of time fashioning the tinfoil surrounding my leftovers into a duck. Without looking, I grabbed it and bunched it up. According to KB, the waiter was a bit upset. Sorry, dude.